A CRYING HEART A CRYING INSIDE
I vowed not to cry anymore
But if you see me understand I still have some saw
I've got this thing I've suffered from for so long,
I pray it touches you, I did wanted to put it in a song,
Was caught up with my life and a faded sprung,
And I don't know, how and how to discern you,
But my name is Ami,
Took my late father's surname Gandi,
This is my story
I grew up in the eastern part of Sierra Leone,
Had to wait till I was fifteen to wear a uniform,
Rice and gari was all I took,
Big, gigantic and rough was how I look,
Was in class three yet still I couldn't read a book,
Mama wanted me to learn
I tried, but as the days go by,
I feel worse and worse for myself,
Can't even fetch water with friends not to talk of standing with them,
They made me the talking stone of the village,
My sisters told me I was nothing but a sewage,
And my late father's brothers said I shouldn't go to school at that age,
That I had passed that stage,
In my little corner, I'm telling myself not to cry,
But to put everything to God and try
My salient mind tells me something is wrong,
And theirs got to be a way to be strong,
Mama was my only hope
Was hoping she won't bend the slope
At that age suitors came and went
With all the good gifts and clothes they sent,
Mama got carried,
She started seeing why I should get married,
My heart melted and my whole self became worried,
Nights and days, I spoke to the good lord,
Why me? Why? I could have stab myself to death with a sword
A day came when my whole family told me the actual word
A man whom is old as my grandpa
Wanted to connubial me,
When mama said the words my eyes went wide with tears, and looks like the whole world is closing in on me,
I cried, and shouted 'Niajay don't you feel sorry for me? "
It's too late Ami, you're getting married in few days time,
On that day, I spoke nothing, just signs and sigh
I'm sorry I didn't achieve that golden treasure,
This man was a beast and just used me as pleasure,
He treated me as a nuisance
Just seventeen when I got pregnant
And the monster watched me to sleep each day,
Watched me writhe in painful peace,
I sang a song calling my late father, telling him to hold my breath to seize
Every night, as the baby grows in my stomach,
I watched the stars, and try to remember the last words mama said,
I gave birth to a premature Child,
Whom couldn't survive the troubles of the world,
And tonight I'm writing y'all my word,
That my tears won't appear nor drop on the floor,
I'm all cried dry
Scarlet drops replace them now
I'm dead inside and out
Now I'm scared of letting my past go
Scared of letting the world know,
Scared of what poverty and suffering does to me
Written by Joseph M. T Musa Jr.
Inspired by Brother. Musa Bangura
